Greg Giraldo Loves Him Some Bitches

From the man, the myth, Greg Giraldo:

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I don't know if you guys watch a lot of hip-hop videos, but, man, bitches are the shit. Bitches are so much better than regular women. They are way cooler than wives or girlfriends. If I had it all to do over again, I'd never get married or anything, I'd just get a bunch of bitches to have with me, 'cause bitches are fuckin' awesome. They're always in a good mood. They just dance around in their thongs with their high-heeled shoes, and you get to smoke bongs and play the X-Box all day long; they never seem to mind. Bitches never complain, they never tell you to take your feet off the couch or, "We gotta go see my mother." Bitches don't even have mothers. I don't where they make the bitches. Maybe some sort of genetics lab where they do that little ass-shake move--where they can just shake that ass like that--that only bitches can do. Let's say you've got a wife or a girlfriend: she might help you wash the car, but she's not gonna soap herself down with suds and press her tits into the windshield...but bitches will. That's how bitches wash shit. Bitches just soap themselves down and press their tits into things. They're always happy, and they won't do it alone; they'll invite a lot of other bitches over to soap cars down. Let's say you might like a little champagne, right? You like to have champagne, to pour it in a glass and sip it, but you don't shake it up and pour it all over your tits...but that's how bitches drink; they have a whole different anatomy. And if bitches get in a bad mood, all you gotta do is just turn the music up and they just dance more; they can't help themselves.

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True that, man. True that.